What is it about OCTranspo that makes me think of the phrase "cruel and unusual punishment?" Every time I stand at a bus stop, I imagine there is some kind of underground Control Centre connected to billions of dollars of surveillance cameras monitoring the bus stops most frequented by me. The Control Centre Official then radios the bus driver to take a break at least two stops before mine, or wherever the bend in the road occurs so that I can't see the driver entering the confectionary and buying a Joe Louis and a Mountain Dew, then returning to the bus in order to partake in his leisurely sugar fix. By this time, the 40 below temperature has welded my forehead to the timetable on the pole, making it impossible to see the bus even if it were approaching. (Either that, or the driver is instructed to take a one block detour, in order to bypass my stop altogether).
Conversely, whenever I'm in no rush to go anywhere - usually while ambling along Bank Street in beautiful weather, the number 1 and 7 buses gather in packs and slowly articulate themselves alongside me, occasionally stopping - the doors opening with exaggerated expectancy - to see if I might need a lift. "No thank you," I recently said, adjusting my meagre bag of groceries. "It's obvious I don't need your service today, isn't it?" Then turning on my heels, I screamed "I'm on to you" directly at the exorbitantly-priced camera, which I think was hidden in a nearby evergreen.
Since that incident, the Ottawa bus system no longer acknowledges my existence.
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